I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

It has been FOREVER since I have posted a new blog post and that is RIDICULOUS!!! I need to keep on top of this. I've missed blogging... and most of the time I am just too lazy to get the computer out... HA!

I have been doing GREAT! The break-up with Pete made me realize that things were going down hill for MONTHS!!! I am so much happier not being with him and I NEVER thought I would say that. We had a horrible relationship and I see that now. As much as I didn't want to say it... I know I stayed with him for Kenley. She still sees him and all so she will still have him in her life. I recently met someone and things so far have been great. He is an amazing man and I can't wait to see where things go. Who knows right? I'll do my best to keep everyone updated. So if I start slacking ya'll need to PUSH me to blog... ESPECIALLY YOU NIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden has been with his father for almost 2 months now and I miss him like crazy. Only a little over a week until he comes home... I CAN NOT WAIT! I am soooo sad that I missed his 3rd birthday, but I am excited to celebrate it in a few weeks. I am thankful that he has the wonderful dad that he does. He is a very blessed little man. Potty training still isn't going as well as his dad and I had hoped, but it'll get better... I just have to keep telling myself that. He seems to have changed so much in the short time that he has been gone. He soooo isn't my little baby anymore... he's such a big boy and he is SO smart. Sometimes when I think about it... it makes me sad. I guess its mostly a bittersweet feeling. I love watching him grow, but HATE that he isnt my baby anymore.

Kenley is almost 1... AHHHH!!! She is starting to walk SO well. She still doesn't talk yet, which is probably a good thing. She has changed so much. I dont know if she will be my last baby and when I think about the fact that she COULD be I want to cry. In 11 days she won't be a baby anymore... so I may never have a baby again. =[  She is soooo smart too... maybe too smart. I think that little girl is going to be keeping me on my toes!!! UH OH!!!!

My parents recently just closed on a new house. I am super excited to have my own room again... I dont know what I am going to do with myself. NO... I dont want to live with my parents forever... but right now it is the best for my kids and I. Having the extra space is going to be great. Packing SUCKS... but you have to do what it takes I guess. It'll all be worth it in the end!!!

That's all I have for now. I WILL do my BEST to update this A LOT better. Bare with me!!!

xoxo

This one is for you Nikki!!!

So it has been brought to my attention... BY YOU NIKKI (love you)... that I have left my poor blogged all alone. So, here I am with an update.

Aiden is doing well... in around 3 months he will be 3 years old... REALLY? Where has all the time gone? I love seeing him grow up, but then the other half of me hates it... BAH! Seems like the terrible 2's have gotten WORSE though. I was hoping since we are rounding down on 3 years old that his behavior would improve with it... NEGATIVE! Also, potty training is not going well AT ALL!!! He has no interest in using the bathroom what so ever! I'm holding out hope that it happens soon, but it really is frustrating. I will admit that I love watching him interact with his sister. He is sooooo loving towards her (most of the time) and it melts my heart to watch them.

Kenley is her usual happy/busy self. She has changed soooo much. I love watching her grow, but just like Aiden it's bittersweet. She army crawls all over the house... I'm not sure she will ever get up on her hands and knees... lol. She pulls up and stands holding on to EVERYTHING. She walks along things she holds on to. She has 6 teeth. AHHHHHHH... its crazy. We are still working on talking... when we try she just thinks that we are being funny! Kenley is becoming such a chunky girl too... I LOVE IT!!!! When I think about the fact that she wore PREEMIE clothes for the first MONTH and now she fits in 12 month things I want to cry. Only positive of her growing is shopping for new clothes for her. LOL!

Pete and I are doing REALLY well. Of course we still have our little "tifs" now and then, but doesn't everyone? We are hoping to be in our own place soon. We know it will be tough, but it's what we both want. Seeing him with Kenley and Aiden always makes me smile... they love him. It's amazing how much stronger your feelings get for someone when you see how wonderful they are with your children. It is so nice to be able to write how well we are doing instead of writing about all the fights we used to have.

I applied for a job at the Brown County Sherrifs office. I applied for both the corrections officer job and the dispatcher job. I had my interview on March 16th and I think it went well. Everyone seemed to like me and I am keeping `my fingers crossed to her good news back from them. I saw the list of applicants and it was a LONG list which makes me nervous, but the chief told me more then once that he really liked me which makes me hopeful. PLUS... the dispatch lady said if the jail passed me by she was calling me in this week for a dispatching test. Since I haven't heard from her... it makes me a little hopeful that I might have the job. This job would help so much. PRAY FOR ME!!!

FAIL!!!

Well to start off... I had a great time grabbing dinner with my highschool buds. I haven't seen a lot of them in quite a while so catching up was really nice.

Now to the FAIL part. I went out to a bar/club last night. I thought getting out and being around a bunch of people would help keep my mind off things. There was an 80's style band that was awesome so I figured I would have a great time. I wasn't drinking since I breastfeed and I didn't have enough milked pumped. Anyways... my friend was drinking, so I was pretty much just sitting around. Everywhere I looked I saw couples and I about lost it. I just wanted to go home, but I knew it was my friends first time there and i didn't want to ruin her time. Once I took her home and got back to my house I just broke down. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go. I miss Pete so much... more then I thought I would. I wish things were different. I refuse to sit here and blame everything on him because I did things wrong too, but this is so wrong. It shouldn't be this way. UGH!

hello 3 am....

I can't believe I am still awake. Kenley is sleeping away and here I sit not being able to get the stupid shit off my mind. I knew that this was going to eat away with it. No matter how hard I try all I can think about is Pete. I won't lie... I miss him like crazy. I miss having him next to me, kissing me, talking to me, playing with Kenley.... all of it. I'm sure over time the memories will fade, but I'm not sure I want them to. I am so in love with him and I feel like he doesn't even care. How did it take 6 months to realize you weren't ready for a relationship? Was I being used this whole time? I just don't know what to think. Worst part of all is he won't even talk to me. He is completely ignoring me. I just don't understand and I'm not sure I will ever get the answers I need. How do you get closure if you have all these un-answered questions? I know I need to give it time and see what happens, but I just can't shut my brain off!

Precious Gift

I found this poem online... and with everything going on right now... it just seemed perfect!


When times seem too hard to bear & I l feel like giving up
I vision your beautiful face, the twinkle of your eyes and things of such
The bond we created from my womb to the day you were born
Is a mother and daughter bind that can never be torn
With the strength and guidance of God and the blessings he pours down from above
I want to be the best mom I can be to you and embrace you with all my love
You are as precious as a flower and as gorgeous as a rose
You have been specially made to the very tip of your nose
You are as sweet as honey; such an innocent young child
You are brighter than any star in the sky every time you smile
I want you to be proud of who you are and strive to be the best
Put forth your efforts to achieve your goals and let God do the rest
I will always be your mother first, but I'm also your friend
Your are the most precious gift, that I've ever been given

With All My Love,

Mommy


Source: (Do not remove) Precious Gift, Mother Daughter Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1950#ixzz1BdU5XcL3