my breaking point

I think I am almost to my breaking point in my relationship with Pete. I love him... I really do and I spent 9 months believing/hoping he would come back. Now I wish he hadn't. I have tried for 3 months now to get over what happened between us and be happy and I'm just not. I don't trust him, I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth, I don't feel appreciated/wanted/loved... I really don't feel much of anything.

He always calls me when he gets out of work. He gets out at 7 and we will usually talk on his way to his mom's house. Well tonight he texts me and says don't be mad, but I don't feel like talking right now, but I will call before bed. I texted him back and said no you won't... you will either forget or tell me you fell asleep. I feel like everything with him is excuse after excuse after excuse. There is always a reason for EVERYTHING. It seems like on the days he is supposed to come up here to see us, there's an excuse why he's not here at a certain time.

I don't trust him. I will say I am pretty sure he has someone else behind my back. He gets so offended when I bring it up and gets VERY defensive. If you're not doing anything... why would you get SOOOO defensive? I can't get it out of my head that he is doing things behind my back.

I think the reason I am holding on to him so hard is my whole pregnancy all I could think about was us being together and being a family. I fought so long and so hard to be with him that I feel like if I give up now I wasted my time. Like I said before... I DO love him, but I'm just not happy. I know I should talk to him about it, but I know he'll get mad and say I'm accusing him AGAIN of things he isn't doing and it won't work. I just need to think really hard about what I want to do... what is right for me and my kids!