LoVe

"We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved."

This quotes sums up EXACTLY how I feel. I think I will ALWAYS have these fears. I have been hurt sooo many times, by so many people and I just don't want to go through it all again. I know I shouldn't push people away because I am scared... but sometimes I have it in my head that if I push people away FIRST... they can't hurt me. If I keep that up I will ALWAYS be alone. I started a fight with Pete last night... and I will admit... I STARTED IT! I wasn't WANTING to fight with him, but when he wouldn't listen I started getting more and more angry and evetually exploded. I just was trying to be honest with him (no I will NOT go into detail right now) and I felt like it BLEW UP in my face. I thought things were find this morning and then he treats me like crap again. He just doesn't seem to get it. He says I blame things on hormones, but its TRUE. He thinks that once I had Kenley, all the hormones went away. NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!! There are days that I feel my hormones are worse NOW then they were while I was pregnant.

Pete says he loves me and I want to believe him, but it's hard. Here's the story. I met him in Septemeber 2009 and I thought things were great. I thought we had a good relationship. I told him I loved him and he said it back to me. Well right before I found out I was pregnant with Kenley, he admitted he never really wanted to be in a relationship with me, he had been using me to get what he wanted. What a slap in the face. When I told him I was pregnant with Kenley he said he wanted to make things work. Well 1 week later he stopped talking to me and only spoke to me a few times during my ENTIRE pregnancy. He didn't come back around until after she was born. So can anyone really blame me for being afraid that he is just telling me what I want to hear AGAIN to get what he wants? I love him... I really do and I want us to be together. I'm just not sure how to make the fears go away... WITHOUT giving up on our relationship. Pete keeps telling me he is different, and he is... but is he different enough to make me feel like I can trust him fully? =[